Look familiar? Feel familiar? Couples who come to my office are often in conflict and reaching a definitive point in their relationship. They struggle to interact effectively, yet really want to have their relationship work. They're often both scared, and caught up in the dance of pointing fingers at each other, and trying to be right. This often leads to one or the other party trying to cut and run, stonewalling, pushing the other away, avoiding, trying to take charge, backing away, and various other negative ways in which we seem to automatically react to those we care about the most. No one is immune and we all do it! Both parties usually need to take their armor off in order to get the type of relationship that they want.

There are two things that often drive this dance. One is fear, and the other is our ingrained biological and childhood patterns. Rather than try and explain all of this in this blog, I'll point you towards one of the nation's leading experts on marriage and bonding. This audio is quite lengthy, but as you listen you will begin to understand how we all do pretty much the exact opposite of what's needed. Click on the link below to hear Sue Johnson talk about all of the unproductive things that we do when we need each other, but our relationships are in distress. You'll be amazed at what's really going on inside of us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gade9K7-JRg